Fester's China

FullySilenced

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls... step right up and hear amazing tales of wonders beyond belief, stories to amuse , confound and confuse.

In the last episode Fester had ordered an extremely dangerous product and was attempting to blow up a whole city X_X ..... he had requested the product be delivered at the local depot and was attempting to secure transportation and a way to spread doom and despair across the whole region....

And now for the continuing saga of FESTER'S China

Lloyd

Well, it wasn't all that, FS. =))

I ordered a drum of GNS (200L of grain neutral spirit) from a company close to Beijing. They shipped it to me by boat I'm supposing because I had to go the the docks here to claim it - about an hour from my house by taxi. Yes, I only wanted about 10 to 20 liters of the stuff but it was cheap and I couldn't find a smaller quantity.

I located the proper warehouse and learned there was no-one willing to transport the "dangerous" cargo through the city. So I did the only thing I could do, I sat in the office until the bossman lamented and agreed to transport it himself for the modest fee of $16 (100 RMB).

The big drum didn't go into his minivan easily. The back seat had to be completely removed and even then it was a tight fit. Laying on its side now the drum produced a curious oddity - about one drop per second of extremely high proof alcohol was dripping onto the minivan's muddy carpeting. It made no difference how we rotated the drum the bung leaked the same metered doseage. Bossman dismisses it completely although sirens go off inside my brain. I silently recite the 23rd Psalm as I get in and close the door.

Being a cold day meant having the windows raised but it was at least 15 minutes into the return trip home before the fumes became overpowering. I slowly inched the window down to somehow try to strike a balance between the explosive fumes and the bitter cold.

Just when I think the potent fumes couldn't get any stronger, Bossman offers me a cigarette. I could feel the blood draining from my head as I declined knowing full well that he only offered it because he was going to smoke.

Thinking my final breakfast of steamed dumplings was now behind me I grabbed the door handle and was preparing myself mentally to jump into moving traffic at the slightest hint of explosion. Click when the cigarette lighter and I closed my eyes - is that a normal human response?

Well, I'm typing this so obviously my fears were unfounded. No explosions and I have enjoyed many more dumplings since.

Arriving home we manhandled the drum out of the minivan and into my house.

All in all, just another day. :^o

cleadus1

haha that's gold!

bentstick

Nice! I have been wondering what took place after it arrived at the dock,Happy things worked out to the better Lloyd! :-c sooo you should of went through a bit of the the barrel by now and have some good drop bottled up? Cheer.

Lloyd

Not really, even after a few months I haven't gotten into it yet.

I have plenty of booze and it was bought to supply the upcoming gin basket, which is still not ready.

As far as I know, GNS is only good for making...

Strawberry Panty Dropper

Gin

Kaluhah

Vodka

Vanilla extract

Apple Pie

Peach Pie

A few dozen others...

Except for that it's useless

:\">

FullySilenced

I think Fester is downplaying this dangerous substance... I have been researching it and depending on who's words you read . If exposed to deadly microwaves, this drummed liquid could destroy every microwave in three provinces. [-O<

EDIT: I personally didn't believe all i was hearing and after much trail and error testing have found that not a single microwave was damaged during the writing of this post... B-)

FullySilenced

Fester ADD Fruit Nukin's to your list and Fire Piss and there a several candy products that could be made with it as well... Like Jolly Ranchers and Red Hots/cinnamon candy, peppermint ...

Lloyd

I'm sure around here there will be a ginger or ginseng twist.

One to stimulate the taste buds, other to stimulate something else.

So i'm tole

bentstick

@Lloyd said: I'm sure around here there will be a ginger or ginseng twist.

One to stimulate the taste buds, other to stimulate something else.

So i'm tole

Nice! Liquid Viagra

punkin

Can also be used for Thai Terror if you want ginger.

minime

Glad you finally revealed the rest of the story Lloyd. I've come to the conclusion that alcohol fumes are much less volatile than advertised. I came to that conclusion after watching Loo's video swapping out collection jars. ;)

punkin

Welcome back Mini. Good to see you again. Hope your holiday was all you ever wanted it to be. :D

bodhammer

@bentstick said:Nice! Liquid Viagra

Advertising tag line: "Pour yourself a stiff one!"

Chemical name: micoxaphilin

Moonshine

@Law_Of_Ohms

Where's that video with you swapping out collection jars?

Mountaineer

Yea I want to see the video of the collection jars as well... I think we should have a video space on here for reasons just like this..

Moonshine

@Mountaineer said: Yea I want to see the video of the collection jars as well... I think we should have a video space on here for reasons just like this..

Too many categories will make the forum confuse, we try to keep it down to the necessary minimum. But videos like that fit in the "Usage" category just fine, and can easily be found by using the "videos" tag (as we did with cooperville's videos).

Mountaineer

Thanks Bro!!!!!very cool

Law_Of_Ohms

links in my current config post

Lloyd

It seems that sex is a form of medicine here.
If I get hurt, sick or injured the good doctor is quick to prescribe that I forego sex for a period of time to help cure the ailment.

Suffer from an infection on my foot the prescription is antibiotics, loose fitting shoes and no sex for 3 weeks.

Backache? Lose weight, slow exercise and no sex for a month. (At my age sex IS slow exercise!)

Headache? Bedrest, hot soup and no sex for 2 weeks.

This is really making me not want to get sick!!!!

awesome

It starting to get cold so i am looking for a nice Chinese white spirt recipe

Lloyd

Mostly the booze here is just horrible. The rest is just terrible.
Fortunately I can fix that.

If you need a little something to keep you warm try Punkin's Thai Terror. I'm not brave enough to try it myself but as far as I know he hasn't killed anyone with it (lately). :P

I find 2 or 3 shots of my faux bourbon keeps the chill away (Granny's Rheumatiz medicine).

Lloyd

"But Jed... I git all stiff without my rheumatiz medicine.."

"New data presented today at EULAR 2007, the Annual European Congress of Rheumatology in Barcelona, Spain, suggests that alcohol may protect against rheumatoid arthritis, with three units a week exhibiting protective effects and ten units a week being more protective still. An alcohol consumption of three units per week or more also reduced the risk by smoking or by a genetic predisposition to RA."

Life Saving Reference, click here.

Moonshine

@Lloyd, great find! :)

Lloyd

My doctor told me to stop drinking, smoking and to cut back on sex to only once or twice a month.

I stopped going to that doctor.